I haven’t blogged in a few weeks. I have been swinging between positive days and not so positive days. Much in my life at the moment is in a state of uncertainty, and I’m trying as best as I can to embrace the mantra that everything happens for a reason and that change can be a positive thing, even if you can’t see the benefits it may bring as yet.
One aspect is my job. I received some news six months ago that my employer was going to be scaling back the service I work for, which meant that either I face redundancy and a very poor payout or accept a new job on a substantially reduced level of pay. Ordinarily I would have accepted a lower rate of pay and kept the job, but it means I won’t actually be able to afford to live and risk the prospect of losing my home and my beloved pets.
So I began looking about for something else that would enable me to keep a roof over my head, food on the table and my pets in the manner to which they have become accustomed. Change can be scary, but one of the lessons I have learned on my journey with PTSD is that you cannot grow without it. Without change you are always stuck in the same place, not going forwards and sometimes even going backwards.
Last year I started my journey towards recovery, where I accepted that the responsibility to heal and embrace life came down to one person…me. I started doing little things that scared me, but as I did each little thing it gave me confidence to try the next little thing and so forth.
I have just applied for a new job which scares me a little, but it will be a good learning experience and opportunity for growth. In addition to this, I have booked myself another solo holiday adventure to Thailand later in the year. It is somewhere I have always wanted to go, but kept getting discouraged by people telling me horror stories, but in January I decided that life was too short and before I knew it I had marched into a travel agent and booked the flights.
I have just started a new hobby too. I have started bouldering (rock climbing without ropes) I had my first session at the beginning of the week and I loved it. My instructor was so positive and encouraging and I really surprised myself in what I could do. I am so proud of myself, because once I started pushing myself outside into the big scary world I realised I am much stronger, braver and more capable of achieving anything than I had ever realised.